I don't really like Easter. I haven't for 21 years. My oldest son was born on Jan 22, 1989. He was 2 months early and spent 1 month in the hospital. He was a beautiful baby, and I can still remember his smell. (odd the things you remember) They let him come home from the hospital when he was 5lbs. It was great, he was healthy, and gaining weight like you wouldn't believe. It all came crashing down on March 25th. He was just 2 months old. He passed away from SIDS while I slept. I feel guilty to this day that I was asleep when he passed away. Anyway that year it was the day before Easter and for that reason I hate Easter. Enough of the history lesson.
I have always made holiday's good for my surviving children. Even when I feel like crude and I'm depressed, I've gotten really good at not letting them see me upset over it. Ok so this year we go to my in-laws house for Easter dinner. I find out that maybe I'm not as good at hiding it as I thought. I'm in a lot of pain today and doing my best to ignore it. Unfortunately my father-in-law saw it almost immediately. So then I'm subjected to the can't you change jobs, or haven't you been there long enough that they will put you in a less physical job. What do you tell someone that is just obviously trying to look out for you? I spent several hours just trying to deflect the conversation to something else. So now, I'm in pain, depressed, and so very tired from trying to pretend I'm fine.
At least my kids are happy and I'm still stubborn enough to keep working and providing them the future they deserve. I just hope one day they appreciate all I've given so they can have what they need.
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