3 Week Update

Well it's been a little bit since I updated.  That's because I'm feeling better.  I went to the doctor last Thursday and I'll be going back to work this Thursday.  I'm really nervous.   The doctor did x-rays and they look really good.  Without all the hardware you can see the fusion much better.  It looks strong.  So he said I could go back to work whenever I wanted and I choose this Thursday.  My job is very physically demanding and I didn't want to go back any sooner because I still have scabbing over the incision.  I've had an incision open back up once before and didn't want to have that happen again.  Anyway we discussed the what if my employer tries to push me physically like they did after the fusion.  I told him I wasn't going to be stubborn about it this time.  If they make me cry, I'm going home.  He said to call and he would put me back on medical leave.  Don't think he really likes my employer.  I think I blogged a little about it last time.  When I went back to work after my fusion, I feel, they intentionally put me on a job that was constantly bending over.  I cried in pain every day.  I won't do it this time.  I don't really think it's going to be a problem, because I do feel so much better.  My biggest hangup is I don't want to be disabled.  I don't think I can be retrained to do anything easier.  I've worked many years in a factory setting and I'm not qualified to do anything else.   I don't have a college education, I regret that now.  If I had went to college I could possibly find something I could do.  It wouldn't be easy because I have trouble sitting for very long as well as the things I've been doing.  It would need to be something that balances moving and sitting.

Anyway my family are good.  At least my husband and children.  My parents not so much.  Their home was flooded for 3 weeks.  They had at least 3 feet of water in their mobile home for 2 weeks.  It's a total loss.  They have been living in a tent on their property for 3 1/2 weeks.  I don't like it at all, I understand it but I don't like it.  They are going through their home and garage trying to salvage anything they can.  It's horrible, the water knocked things off shelves.  If it wasn't extremely heavy or bolted down it got shifted around.  They have found a few things they can save.  I really wish their realtor would call them.  They put in an offer on a house in Florida.  So far the government hasn't declared it a national disaster, but I'm hoping within the next week FEMA will come in.

Day 7

Well I'm doing better I think.  The ice packs really helped bring the swelling down, well that and the ibuprofen the doctor let me take.  I'm taking very few painkillers now too.  I really don't like taking them because of my family's addictive personalities.  I've yet to have problems with it, but I could just as easy as others in my family have.  Yesterday I went to my niece's graduation party.  We didn't stay long but it was nice being out with my family.  I kind of shocked my family by showing up, but she's only going to graduate high school once and I wanted to at least show up.  I was sick after I left there, didn't take any painkillers all day due to wanting to go.  Didn't want to fall asleep and not make it there.  So when I got home I took some painkillers and grabbed the ice packs.  Oh WOW I left off stopping at my husband's niece's house.  She graduated too, unfortunately she didn't have a party but I needed to drop off her present.  She is beyond sweet and thrilled to get anything for graduation.  Anyway so after the pain subsided some I felt much better.  I discovered I get nauseated when my pain goes high. 

Anyway so far so good.  I'm hoping for the best with this surgery.  I already seem to have less grinding in my back.  There isn't a whole lot of information on recovery or anything like that out there to help you know if your doing good or not.  Hopefully someone searching hardware removal will find this and find some comfort.

On to today's events.  Today I went to Menard's with my hubby and the grocery.  He convinced me to use the electric cart in Menard's.  It felt horrible, the people there just kept staring.  You can't see I've had back surgery and I'm only 41 so nothing is visibly wrong with me.  I just wanted to leave.  After that we went to the grocery.  I refused to use the electric cart there because of the looks at Menard's.  I hope I don't look at people like that, I'm sure I do.  Everyone is guilty of it, passing judgement without the knowledge needed to pass judgement.  Anyway by the time I left the grocery (getting stuff to replace the stuff from the broken fridge) I was in a lot of pain.  I rested and took ibuprofen because I still wanted to do things today with the family.  After awhile the pain got a little better.  Called my husband to get the grill going.  He grilled burgers and hot dogs.  I made some fries and cheese sticks.  It was a good afternoon.  Now that everything has settled down I've taken my painkillers and I'm just relaxing trying to unwind.

Day 4

Today is Day 4 after my hardware removal.  I'm still not even close to good.  My incision is beyond swollen.  I've been using ice and ibuprophen to try to bring the swelling down some.  It seems to help for a little while but not long enough.  I called the doctors office today to make sure it was ok to take NSAIDS.  My day just generally sucked.  I got up in bad pain.  My refrigerator went out during the night.  Lots of bad food, couldn't even save any of it.  It was blowing hot air instead of cold air.  So my day started bad.  I had to get myself moving and leave the house.  I needed ice packs, so I rounded up all my courage and went down to CVS.  Biggest mistake I've made.  I was nausiated and sweating the whole time.  Got my stuff and got out quick.  I got to take my bandage off today.  It is nasty.  I'll post the picture but if you've got a weak stomach don't look.  Stop Now.

I cut the picture down but you get the idea of the amount of bruising and my skin is swelled painfully tight.  As it heals I may add more pictures or I may just let it go.  It used to be a pretty tattoo. 

Day 3

Well I still have a lot of pain.  I don't seem to be bouncing back as quickly as I'd like.  I don't know what I expected since it is back surgery.  I may call the doctor today and see about getting something for the muscle spasms.  Can't hurt right?  Anyway I am setting my alarm now for every 4 hours so I remember to take my pain meds before I let it get back out of control.  I'm not gonna second guess the surgery yet.  I can't tell a lot yet because my muscles are screaming but I don't have the catch and grind on the right side that I can tell.  I'll know more when I can walk better.  I've tried using the walker and it doesn't appear to be helping but I'm forcing myself to get up and move as much as I can. 

We had a storm come through last night.  Let me tell you it was no fun getting to the basement.  Once I was there it wasn't bad.  We have a furnished basement with recliners and entertainment center.  It isn't a finished basement, but I've decided we need to put a bathroom down there.  Maybe when I get better we can do that.  It can be the next subject for my blog, when pain isn't the focus anymore (positive thinking)  So guess we need to check into how to plumb it because it is below the current plumbing.  I can't have the kind of bathroom I want upstairs but maybe downstairs I can put in the jacuzzi tub and walk in shower.  It could be fun planning it.

Had My Hardware Taken Out

Day 1: May 24, 2011 - 6:16pm         

Ok I've had a short nap and the room stopped spinning. I went in at 8am today to have my hardware taken out. It seemed to go pretty well and I feel ok other then some surgical pain. He must have had a hard time on the left side because it hurts more then the right. In recovery they had a hard time getting my pain under control. Seems when they were taking me off OR table into recovery the IV needle backed out slightly. Just enough for the fluids they were pushing to not go in the vien. It's called IV Infiltration. My left arm and hand are painfully swollen from all of the extra fluid. Anyway diloted (sp?) doesn't work if it's going into tissue instead of veins. The nurse maxed out my dosage before she figured out the problem. She gave me my Lortab, turned off that IV, called IV therapy and the anesthesiologist (sp?). Within 5 minutes I had an iv in the other hand and the doctor approved another round of diloted. I felt much better quickly. Anyway my surgeon came in before my pain was under control and was talking about admitting me for pain control. As jacked up as I was I begged him to go home. After that he agreed if we could get my pain down he would let me go. I didn't get to keep my hardware. I really wanted it, but something about sending it off for analysis.
I've been trying a heating pad and holding my arm above my head some to bring down the swelling in my arm but so far it hasn't helped. Any suggestions let me know. 

Day 2:  May 25, 2011 - 2:13pm

OMG, I overslept. Guess I was sleeping off the anesthesia but now I can't get my pain in control. I'm sitting in my recliner wondering what I should do. I've taken my second dose of painkillers at the maximum dosage. Hope this one brings it down to tolerable. The hospital called, they offered for me to come in to get shots, but getting there would be horrible. On a more positive note the swelling has gone down a lot from the IV Infiltration. I've still got some pain from the original IV but it isn't real bad. If the pain isn't in control by 4 I'll call my doctor and see what he suggests. Kind of suprised he hasn't called me. Last time he called the day after I came home.
Anyone got any suggestions for food. I've not been hungry since I got out of surgery and know I need to eat something. Also have some scratches in my throat, think they used a new guy to intubate. It doesn't bother me they need to learn too. And to answer the question, no the nurse who did my IV wasn't learning, in fact that was all she does.

Cancelled Appointment

I was supposed to go to my pain management doctor yesterday, but the doctor got sick and cancelled my appointment.  I cried,  I've been at a cross roads for a while now and this is just pushing it too much.   I wanted so much to tell him my problems with the pain.  The seemingly insurmountable difficulty working.  The anguish of the various shots not working.  What to do now?  They rescheduled for nearly a month away.  I waited a month for this appointment, now I've got to wait another month.  Doesn't really seem right for a pain doctor to turn away a patient in pain.  I need help and I just don't know where to turn anymore.  I even asked for an appointment with my surgeon but he doesn't have anything open either.  I'm getting more and more depressed every day.  I'm hoping they call today with better news.  The receptionist was supposed to talk to both of their nurses to see if there was anything they could do to get me in sooner. 

I said work was getting too difficult and I actually admitted that to my management Monday.  I told him I have a superman complex and try to do everything.  While it is a good trait to have at work it is a horrible trait to have as someone in pain.  I tried to explain to him that I've been doing my job, the maintenance job, and my partners job just to keep my area running.  I told him I was going to have to scale back on the amount of things I'm doing and that it would effect how my area runs.  I can fix my machines a whole lot better then the maintenance and quicker but I can't keep doing it.  I feel so bad trying to let it go and letting them do their jobs.  I guess really I never should have tried taking on so much but again superman complex.  I can do everything.  He seemed to understand that I was going to scale back but I still don't feel he understands how much I've been doing to keep my line going.  It was actually a decent conversation.  I told him it would show in the down time and I wasn't doing it to be vindictive but doing it for my health.

Anyway that's where I'm at now.  In a holding pattern until I can get in to see a freakin doctor. 

The WALKER

OMG, so now I'm using the walker on and off again.  I never planned on using it again.  I even had it stored in the basement thinking I wouldn't need it until I'm in my 70's.  I tried to get some of my vacation time since my pain is out of control but was denied because people are off already.  I don't like this at all.  What should I do??  I can't get off work, but I'm not able to do it without crying.  My common sense says go on medical leave but my moral sense says you need to work to get paid.  What is wrong with me?  I'm killing myself, for what?  I don't leave the house for anything other then work.  I haven't been to the grocery for weeks.  The pain that is going down my thigh is horrible.  I think I just needed to vent.  Hopefully this weekend will make me feel better.

Lost and depressed

I suddenly feel lost in my pain. I thought I had hope. I thought great the hardware block worked, but it only worked for a day so doc says that can't be it. He suggested a branch block so I did that. It had absolutely no effect. I've never had an injection with no effect at all. I've had legs go weak, numbness in the wrong area, but no effect at all? What is that? Not to mention it was ungodly painful getting the injection and everyone that says versed makes you not remember anything are speaking for themselves. I remember every painful jab of the needle. I remember the rude nurse talking about not liking geometrical shapes like my tattoo. I remember the music playing in the background although it seemed much louder when I was in the recovery. I don't know what his plan is now. I avoided the phone call thursday when they wanted my pain log from the shots. I'm so depressed and my back is flared much worse. I had to admit how much pain I was in Friday and leave work. I've never given up and left work. I don't think I can do my job anymore, but I'm so scared that I won't be approved for disability that I keep trying and dying a little every day. I do nothing anymore. I come home and camp in this freaking recliner. My husband has no wife anymore. How can I be a wife if I won't only not sleep with him but sex is a very distant memory? What kind of mother am I when I try to make dinner and cry while they eat because I hurt too much to eat?

This Sucks

Ok as per my doctors request I went in today for a medial branch block.  I trust my doctor so I was hoping they would help.  Nothing, nada, no effect on my pain at all.  It also hurt like all get out getting these shots.  I'm so beyond depressed.  I can't believe I got my hopes up.  Even as he was talking about it I was concerned it would turn out this way.  Ok so I went in in extreme pain, which by the way I'm not good with the pain scale system so I told them 5 but I never tell them much higher than that, I'm always afraid they won't believe me if I say higher.  I got all checked in and got my I.V. line put in.  Waited for awhile until time.  Finally went in, they cleaned my back and shot some versed in my line.  Didn't really help and for some reason I thought you weren't supposed to remember anything with this med.  Started with the nurse that was shocked to see I had a tattoo and they started talking about not really liking geometric shapes (HELLO I'M IN THE ROOM).  Anyway the doctor starts numbing my back, feels like he is shooting me 100 times.  He then does the shots which are excruciating, good thing I had something to hold onto because I was white knuckling it. 

As soon as they were done they asked me to scale my pain,  I couldn't answer.  I just didn't know where to scale it.  I wasn't pain free but I guess the meds had me relaxed so it wasn't my normal pain.  Since I told them I don't know they put it down as a 0.  The doctor asks how the right side feels but nurses didn't give me time to answer before they wheeled me out.  They take me to recovery where I sit for a few minutes.  They take my blood pressure 3 times and tell me I'm ok to go home and bring me my clothes.  Still sitting putting on my shirt I'm still not doing bad.  I stand up to put my pants on and know immediately the shots did not work.  My pain is there, still relaxed so not as horrible.  So the nurse walks me out to my car and tells me sometimes it takes a little bit for the shots to work.  Guess she could tell the pain wasn't gone.

My husband and I leave with instructions to do things that would normally cause pain.  So I had him take me shopping, my pain levels go up.  We ride around in the car for a little while and the normal burning in my back starts.  I have him just take me home.  I have a little time before my lunch scheduled with the girls, so I try to relax some and just lay in my recliner.

At around 12:30 I get ready to go meet the girls for lunch.  We had lunch at Rafferty's at 1.  So while I'm sitting at the restaurant the local is worn off.  The injection sites start hurting.  My pain is rapidly moving up because sitting in those type chairs makes my pain worse.  My friends are great, they asked and I told them I would rather not talk about it because the results were very depressing.  They always know when I'm hiding pain.  So we didn't stay as long as I would have liked.  I was home by 2:30 and I just gave up.  I took my painkillers, waited for them to work well enough for me to sleep and went to bed. 

So I'm here in my normal pain and don't know what to do.  I don't want to keep doing this, random shots that aren't working, but I need help I can't keep living my life like this.  I don't do anything other than work, and I have to force myself to do that.

Reading On the Kindle

I don't have an actual Kindle, I wish I did. I do have the program on my computer and have read several books on it. It distracts me for awhile. I enjoy romance novels a lot. Right now I'm getting ready to start Pride and Prejudice. I don't normally do long books but it looks interesting and on the Kindle it doesn't take a lot of space up. I just finished reading Kiss Me Deadly. Vampires, werewolves, witches and romance. It's an interesting mix, not to mention throwing the Devil in for good measure. Is there a better villian then the Devil in a romance? Michele Hauf is the author of the series. Creative fantasy type of book. Great to read, and hard to stop reading.

I've gotten all of my books from Amazon for the Kindle. I downloaded the computer program from Amazon also. They have a huge selection of any kind of book you like. I haven't went to the medical type books yet. I'm really trying not to investigate hardware problems and fusion failure yet. Trying to think positive. My body will adjust to the hardware if I just give it a little more time.

Tens Unit for Back Pain

I bought a tens unit a few weeks back to try to combat my pain.  I had tried one at physical therapy on Christmas Eve.  It worked wonders.  I bought a small unit through Amazon, although you can probably get a prescription from your doctor and get it through a local medical supply for less money.  I personally didn't think to ask my doctor for a prescription.  This is the one I bought:















It works well, doesn't get rid of all of the pain, but helps some.  Amazon has a lot of listings for this and other units similar for a variety of prices.  This one has 5 different modes and you can adjust the intensity.   I like the modulation mode.  The burst mode is good, really powerful so set it low to start and adjust the intensity up as much as you like.  The electrodes are reusable, I haven't replaced them yet.  Those would be covered by some insurance too, if you have a prescription. 

My take on these units are they do work in a limited capacity, but enough that I think it was worth paying for.  The units at physical therapy are much better, but also the price on those was over $3000 when I was shopping for one.  I don't feel that these would be dangerous but you may want to ask you doctor or therapy if it's ok to use. 

I am not a doctor, nurse, or medical professional.  Anything contained in this is my experience and shouldn't be taken as medical advice.  As with anything medical related consult a trained professional before starting any treatment.

I finally got a PS3 on Tuesday.  I wasn't really sold on it's abilities, but I won it from Winnla on facebook so I decided to try it.  Man I wish I had bought one sooner.  The Blu-ray is awesome.  I never would have believed it if I hadn't tried it myself.  The clarity is awesome.  I figure if I'm going to spend most of my life on a heating pad I should enjoy the time I'm spending.  I rented The Day the Earth Stood Still.  I was told it was a horrible movie but I really enjoyed it.  It was a good story and I didn't get bored and wander away. 

I'm going to try to move away from my pain and misery.  I'm going to try to find things that make my life easier in many ways.  I think I should try to find a bright side to my current situation, at least until I find a solution to the pain.  I will post anything I find that either helps my pain or takes my mind off of it.  Anyway today I added all of the Amazon widgets to my blog, I think they look pretty good.  It was so easy to add stuff to my blog.  It's too cool.  So hopefully I will be able to post the things that I find that are helping me.

Avoidance

I admit I have avoided calling the doctor.  I'm really scared to tell him I'm in this much pain again.  How do you tell a gifted surgeon that you screwed up his work?  I'm afraid I've done something to the hardware on the right side.  I've been having spasms and pain down the butt and leg again.  I also don't want to admit to him that I started smoking again.  I worked so hard to quit and now I've ruined it all.  I guess I'm going to try to quit again.  I'm really confused and cranky all of the time.  I've also turned clumsy all of the sudden.  I lose my balance alot now.  I really have to work hard not to fall.  No matter where I am I always look around to see what to catch myself on.  Anyway that's where I'm at right now.  Back in pain, back to smoking, and depressed.