Lost and depressed

I suddenly feel lost in my pain. I thought I had hope. I thought great the hardware block worked, but it only worked for a day so doc says that can't be it. He suggested a branch block so I did that. It had absolutely no effect. I've never had an injection with no effect at all. I've had legs go weak, numbness in the wrong area, but no effect at all? What is that? Not to mention it was ungodly painful getting the injection and everyone that says versed makes you not remember anything are speaking for themselves. I remember every painful jab of the needle. I remember the rude nurse talking about not liking geometrical shapes like my tattoo. I remember the music playing in the background although it seemed much louder when I was in the recovery. I don't know what his plan is now. I avoided the phone call thursday when they wanted my pain log from the shots. I'm so depressed and my back is flared much worse. I had to admit how much pain I was in Friday and leave work. I've never given up and left work. I don't think I can do my job anymore, but I'm so scared that I won't be approved for disability that I keep trying and dying a little every day. I do nothing anymore. I come home and camp in this freaking recliner. My husband has no wife anymore. How can I be a wife if I won't only not sleep with him but sex is a very distant memory? What kind of mother am I when I try to make dinner and cry while they eat because I hurt too much to eat?

Missing Work

I did something Friday night that I hadn't done before.  I went to work while my back pain was really bad.  I worked maybe 2 hours and had to go.  The pain was hitting about an 8 although I'm not good at rating my pain.  It's really hard to be objective and half the time I underestimate it because I don't think anyone will believe it is really that high. 

So anyway for some reason everytime I put my right foot down I'm getting a sharp pain from my spine to my butt.  I know sciatic but this isn't the same sciatic I had before.  Before it went further down my leg and I was able to compensate some with the way I would walk.  Everytime I shift any weight to the right I'm getting this pain. 

My mother is worried sick.  She wants me to be able to be pain free.  I don't think she wants to know that I'm forever going to be in pain.  I'll try to write more later, right now I'm depressed and can't think of what's going to help.

This Sucks

Ok as per my doctors request I went in today for a medial branch block.  I trust my doctor so I was hoping they would help.  Nothing, nada, no effect on my pain at all.  It also hurt like all get out getting these shots.  I'm so beyond depressed.  I can't believe I got my hopes up.  Even as he was talking about it I was concerned it would turn out this way.  Ok so I went in in extreme pain, which by the way I'm not good with the pain scale system so I told them 5 but I never tell them much higher than that, I'm always afraid they won't believe me if I say higher.  I got all checked in and got my I.V. line put in.  Waited for awhile until time.  Finally went in, they cleaned my back and shot some versed in my line.  Didn't really help and for some reason I thought you weren't supposed to remember anything with this med.  Started with the nurse that was shocked to see I had a tattoo and they started talking about not really liking geometric shapes (HELLO I'M IN THE ROOM).  Anyway the doctor starts numbing my back, feels like he is shooting me 100 times.  He then does the shots which are excruciating, good thing I had something to hold onto because I was white knuckling it. 

As soon as they were done they asked me to scale my pain,  I couldn't answer.  I just didn't know where to scale it.  I wasn't pain free but I guess the meds had me relaxed so it wasn't my normal pain.  Since I told them I don't know they put it down as a 0.  The doctor asks how the right side feels but nurses didn't give me time to answer before they wheeled me out.  They take me to recovery where I sit for a few minutes.  They take my blood pressure 3 times and tell me I'm ok to go home and bring me my clothes.  Still sitting putting on my shirt I'm still not doing bad.  I stand up to put my pants on and know immediately the shots did not work.  My pain is there, still relaxed so not as horrible.  So the nurse walks me out to my car and tells me sometimes it takes a little bit for the shots to work.  Guess she could tell the pain wasn't gone.

My husband and I leave with instructions to do things that would normally cause pain.  So I had him take me shopping, my pain levels go up.  We ride around in the car for a little while and the normal burning in my back starts.  I have him just take me home.  I have a little time before my lunch scheduled with the girls, so I try to relax some and just lay in my recliner.

At around 12:30 I get ready to go meet the girls for lunch.  We had lunch at Rafferty's at 1.  So while I'm sitting at the restaurant the local is worn off.  The injection sites start hurting.  My pain is rapidly moving up because sitting in those type chairs makes my pain worse.  My friends are great, they asked and I told them I would rather not talk about it because the results were very depressing.  They always know when I'm hiding pain.  So we didn't stay as long as I would have liked.  I was home by 2:30 and I just gave up.  I took my painkillers, waited for them to work well enough for me to sleep and went to bed. 

So I'm here in my normal pain and don't know what to do.  I don't want to keep doing this, random shots that aren't working, but I need help I can't keep living my life like this.  I don't do anything other than work, and I have to force myself to do that.