Elmer's Crafters' BzzCampaign

As some of you know I'm a BzzAgent.  I'm given some items to try, give my opinion on, and spread the bzz.  So right now I'm in the Elmer's Crafters' BzzCampaign.  They sent me all this great stuff to try.  I gotta tell ya I'm lovin it.  This is an image of all the stuff in my BzzKit.  I'm thinking it will be great, not only for scrapbooking but I'm thinking of making my own Holiday Cards.


I believe I will at least try to create my own Holiday Cards.  If anyone has any idea's for great crafts share them in the comments or email them to me.  We can try them all.  I gotta tell ya I'm not real fond of the corner punch, but maybe I just wasn't using it correctly the first time I tried it.  I plan on trying it again and seeing if it gets any easier.  The scissors are awesome.  I plan on using them regularly for my homemade projects.  Gibson can even use them for his school projects.  So many uses so little time.

Newest Update on Me and my Family

Well I'm about the same as I've been. My back still isn't great and I'm still on painkillers occasionally. I really don't like taking pills so I take them less than once a day. Usually a couple times a week when I'm in pain so bad I cry. My boys are good. Gibson went back to school, seventh grade this year, he's getting so grown up. Jordan is working at McDonald's, not a great job, but at least he's working. He told me today he regrets dropping out of college and is thinking he wants to go back next semester. That made me hugely happy. My husband is the most wonderful man on the Earth. How does anyone put up with a wife that does nothing but whine all day? It sure isn't the "intimacy" because I'm about as frigid as a block of ice. (The pain from it is horrible) I know TMI but hey it's about my life right?

I did get a new dog this week. He is the sweetest thing.

ACE

He is a Yorkie that I adopted from Caring Paws shelter in Evansville, Indiana. He is about 8lbs and already rotten. I can't imagine anyone getting rid of him, but the shelter said the woman that gave him away had flea's in her house and thought getting rid of the dogs would get rid of the fleas. Apparently she had two, wish I could have gotten both, but the other was never made available. Anyway if your in the area you should check out the list of pets from the shelter, because they take in the sick and bring them back to health. They could really use any help anyone can give them, since they are a NO KILL shelter.

Update

Well it's been a long time since I posted. I am trying really hard to stay positive, but it is getting really difficult. My back hurts most days and I can feel the screws more everyday. They seem to be poking out from the skin a little more then before. I don't look forward to going to the doctor. Oh well I'm sure I'll be fine.

My family is awesome. Jordan, my oldest son, has a job now. It took him a while, but he seems to be getting into having a job. Gibson is just Gibson. A typical 12 year old. Christian, my husband, is awesome. He worries too much about me, but he means well. Everywhere we go he wants me to rent a freakin wheelchair. I haven't so far, but some day I may.

Just hangin

Today has been a really lazy kind of day. I'm not doing anything really. I went to the grocery store with my son, Gibson. We bought some junk food and soda's. We've just kind of hung out since we got gome. It's really awesome. We've had nacho's and smore's. Getting ready to check out and see if Netflix has anything good streaming to the Tivo.

It's been a pretty good pain day. My rear end hurts but I'll live. Hoping this is going to be a pattern.

Iron Man 2

This movie is awesome. Doesn't hurt any that Robert Downey Jr. is HOT. I want to go see it again. I didn't find my Mother's windchimes in time, but today we went out to lunch and I stopped at a flower shop before going and there they were. The chimes I had been looking for. They sound so pretty. She was very happy with them.

My husband, Chris, and youngest son, Gibson, went out to the farm today. They had fun. Big bombfire and fishing at the lake. I think they plan on going more often now.

Mother's Day

I've been shopping today. Man does my back hurt after that. I still haven't found the windchimes I want to get for my Mother yet. I'll find it in the morning before I see her. My husband and sons are taking me out to dinner and then we are going to see Iron Man 2. It's going to be fun. I’m also participating in a contest at Best Kids Apps, a blog about iPhone apps for kids, for a chance to win an iPad, because what mother doesn't want an iPad? Hope something good happens tomorrow. Maybe a painfree day. Probably not, but I'm hoping.

Read a book

I just read a great book. It's called the Seven Year Bitch. It hasn't been released yet, I won an advanced copy from goodreads.com. The book is about marriage and children. A womans struggle to decide what is best in her life. Should she stay in a marriage that she isn't happy in? Should she cheat with a man that she lost her chance with years ago? I wasn't real happy with her decision to cheat at judging contests, but what can you say. I guess it happens. Her relationship with her son was sweet and her struggles to justify having a nanny were interesting.

Tired Update

Ok I haven't updated in a little while but I'm just so tired. My pain isn't horrible but it can be debilitating. I'm not hitting the high levels I was. I haven't had a 9 in about 4 weeks so that is good anyway. I think I'm just truely mentally drug down. I need a break from the pain. Like I said it isn't high, just constant. I'm getting a burning in my right buttocks and down the leg some. I haven't told the doctor yet, I don't think it will change anything at this time. I'm going to stick with the plan of seeing him again in about 5 more months, unless the pain spikes high again.

All in all I still say the surgery was a success. I love my surgeon, he gives me hope. I am better than I was before surgery. I can actually go shopping sometimes.

Ok now to the part of my post of what I've been doing to take my mind off the pain. I joined Netflix, I'm just gonna try it out for a couple months and see if I like it. I watched Stop Loss last night. I cried, OMG, how sad is it to see our solders treated this way. How can we say we have no draft when we are selecting solders to go back after their contract is up. In all of the economy crude I believe we as a country have forgotten about the men and women we have over there. Everyone is worried about healthcare and these people are worried about coming home in one piece.

Well enough of my disjointed, unconnected, difficult to understand ramblings for now.

Easter is OVER

I don't really like Easter. I haven't for 21 years. My oldest son was born on Jan 22, 1989. He was 2 months early and spent 1 month in the hospital. He was a beautiful baby, and I can still remember his smell. (odd the things you remember) They let him come home from the hospital when he was 5lbs. It was great, he was healthy, and gaining weight like you wouldn't believe. It all came crashing down on March 25th. He was just 2 months old. He passed away from SIDS while I slept. I feel guilty to this day that I was asleep when he passed away. Anyway that year it was the day before Easter and for that reason I hate Easter. Enough of the history lesson.

I have always made holiday's good for my surviving children. Even when I feel like crude and I'm depressed, I've gotten really good at not letting them see me upset over it. Ok so this year we go to my in-laws house for Easter dinner. I find out that maybe I'm not as good at hiding it as I thought. I'm in a lot of pain today and doing my best to ignore it. Unfortunately my father-in-law saw it almost immediately. So then I'm subjected to the can't you change jobs, or haven't you been there long enough that they will put you in a less physical job. What do you tell someone that is just obviously trying to look out for you? I spent several hours just trying to deflect the conversation to something else. So now, I'm in pain, depressed, and so very tired from trying to pretend I'm fine.

At least my kids are happy and I'm still stubborn enough to keep working and providing them the future they deserve. I just hope one day they appreciate all I've given so they can have what they need.

Reading On the Kindle

I don't have an actual Kindle, I wish I did. I do have the program on my computer and have read several books on it. It distracts me for awhile. I enjoy romance novels a lot. Right now I'm getting ready to start Pride and Prejudice. I don't normally do long books but it looks interesting and on the Kindle it doesn't take a lot of space up. I just finished reading Kiss Me Deadly. Vampires, werewolves, witches and romance. It's an interesting mix, not to mention throwing the Devil in for good measure. Is there a better villian then the Devil in a romance? Michele Hauf is the author of the series. Creative fantasy type of book. Great to read, and hard to stop reading.

I've gotten all of my books from Amazon for the Kindle. I downloaded the computer program from Amazon also. They have a huge selection of any kind of book you like. I haven't went to the medical type books yet. I'm really trying not to investigate hardware problems and fusion failure yet. Trying to think positive. My body will adjust to the hardware if I just give it a little more time.

Mom Start Sleep Number Bed Giveaway

Today I entered a contest to try and win a sleep number bed.  I think it would be fabulous for anyone suffering back pain. I entered at Mom Start Sleep Number Bed Giveaway  She is giving away one Queen Sleep Number p5 mattress, Foundation and UPS delivery valued at $1,999.99.  Comes with the Wireless Remote; This is the perfect bed to relax because each side can be adjusted to the exact level of comfort, support and firmness you want at the touch of a button.  It's a great promotion.  I checked out the bed here:  http://www.selectcomfort.com/eng/products/sleep-number-beds/performance-series/p5/p5_bed?p5  looks extremely comfy to me.  Check out the rest of the Blog while your at Mom Start there are some great stories and awesome reviews on products most parents use every day.

6 Month Post-Op Exam

Well Thursday I had my 6 month check up. It seemed to go really well. My bones actually did start fusing. He was sure one side was solid, but the other side still looks grainy on the x-ray. We discussed my continued pain, he believes it is either the one side not fusing or I'm not adjusting well to the hardware. He suggested 2 options. The first was a thin slice ct to get a better look at the bones. The second was wait 6 months, then do the CT. I chose to wait the six months because he said he wouldn't revise the fusion until then if it was the bones not completely fused, and the longer I kept the hardware the better my chances are of a truly solid fusion. He did a quick rundown of a revison surgery with new bigger hardware and a quick rundown of hardware removal if the bones were healed. He gave a prescription for lortab because he didn't like the idea of me hitting high pain levels and not having any kind of relief. He even said to stretch them out as far as I could. I almost laughed because I've been without painkillers for almost 3 months. It's been very hard not to quit my job and sit and cry some days. The pain is different than before surgery. That is why he thinks it is the hardware. No sciatic pain unless I get to high pain levels for long periods so we think the inflamation is causing pressure on nerves. I'm so in love with my doctor it is sick. He actually lectured me on my habit of not calling when the pain is bad. How many doctors think that way? I believe he doesn't think his job is done unless you are almost completely out of pain.




If anyone has experience with hardware causing pain I could use some stories. I'm not surprised by his thought of the hardware. I honestly thought I had broken one of the screws on the right side. I'm kind of happy and sad at the same time. The surgery did work it accomplished what we set out to do, remove the instability and fix the sciatic pain. The pain in my back as I said is different but it sucks all the same. Guess I'm in the cycle of pain that it seems a lot of us get stuck in, but I have hope. I'm still much better than I was.

Insomnia

Seems I've developed some major insomnia.  My legs won't settle down to go to sleep.  It seems to be mostly my left hip and leg.  I get comfortable for a few minutes and I have an irresistable urge to move my left leg.  I try to fight this urge, but the more I fight the worse it gets.  I'm not sure what I'm going to do about it.  I suppose I'll ask the doctor.  It seems almost disconnected to the surgery, but I didn't have the problem until after the surgery.  The further out from the surgery I've gotten the worse it has gotten.  If anyone knows anything to help it let me know.  I could use any advice about it.

The Flu

Well it was bound to happen right?  I finally got the flu this year.  It has been going around work for several weeks and my group leader has had it for 2 weeks.  Unfortunately for the rest of us he spread it around.  I left work last night and called in sick tonight.

Tens Unit for Back Pain

I bought a tens unit a few weeks back to try to combat my pain.  I had tried one at physical therapy on Christmas Eve.  It worked wonders.  I bought a small unit through Amazon, although you can probably get a prescription from your doctor and get it through a local medical supply for less money.  I personally didn't think to ask my doctor for a prescription.  This is the one I bought:















It works well, doesn't get rid of all of the pain, but helps some.  Amazon has a lot of listings for this and other units similar for a variety of prices.  This one has 5 different modes and you can adjust the intensity.   I like the modulation mode.  The burst mode is good, really powerful so set it low to start and adjust the intensity up as much as you like.  The electrodes are reusable, I haven't replaced them yet.  Those would be covered by some insurance too, if you have a prescription. 

My take on these units are they do work in a limited capacity, but enough that I think it was worth paying for.  The units at physical therapy are much better, but also the price on those was over $3000 when I was shopping for one.  I don't feel that these would be dangerous but you may want to ask you doctor or therapy if it's ok to use. 

I am not a doctor, nurse, or medical professional.  Anything contained in this is my experience and shouldn't be taken as medical advice.  As with anything medical related consult a trained professional before starting any treatment.

I finally got a PS3 on Tuesday.  I wasn't really sold on it's abilities, but I won it from Winnla on facebook so I decided to try it.  Man I wish I had bought one sooner.  The Blu-ray is awesome.  I never would have believed it if I hadn't tried it myself.  The clarity is awesome.  I figure if I'm going to spend most of my life on a heating pad I should enjoy the time I'm spending.  I rented The Day the Earth Stood Still.  I was told it was a horrible movie but I really enjoyed it.  It was a good story and I didn't get bored and wander away. 

I'm going to try to move away from my pain and misery.  I'm going to try to find things that make my life easier in many ways.  I think I should try to find a bright side to my current situation, at least until I find a solution to the pain.  I will post anything I find that either helps my pain or takes my mind off of it.  Anyway today I added all of the Amazon widgets to my blog, I think they look pretty good.  It was so easy to add stuff to my blog.  It's too cool.  So hopefully I will be able to post the things that I find that are helping me.

Avoidance

I admit I have avoided calling the doctor.  I'm really scared to tell him I'm in this much pain again.  How do you tell a gifted surgeon that you screwed up his work?  I'm afraid I've done something to the hardware on the right side.  I've been having spasms and pain down the butt and leg again.  I also don't want to admit to him that I started smoking again.  I worked so hard to quit and now I've ruined it all.  I guess I'm going to try to quit again.  I'm really confused and cranky all of the time.  I've also turned clumsy all of the sudden.  I lose my balance alot now.  I really have to work hard not to fall.  No matter where I am I always look around to see what to catch myself on.  Anyway that's where I'm at right now.  Back in pain, back to smoking, and depressed.

Work SUCKS

I really am not happy at all.  My employers act like my parents.  Oh your hurt you need to go to our doctor.  What kind of crap is that?  Then I get in trouble for telling them I don't want to go, it was disrespectful.  Where is my respect?  I'm so sick of this stuff.  I went to their doctor and he didn't send me home.  They didn't get what they wanted so they wrote me up.  How is this crap right?  Someone please tell me.  I'm in pain, they put me on a job they know is going to break my back, then they get pissed because I'm staying at work.

Not Good, Not Good At All

I've been avoiding updating this blog for a reason.  The reason is if I write it down it is somehow more real and I don't want to face it yet.  I figured I owed it to myself to update this for the future.  My back is killing me.  I can't sleep, I can't move, I can't sit, I can't do anything without pain.  I've been out of pain killers for a while and I don't want to call the doctors office because again, if I say it out loud it is somehow more true.

Ok so I think the biggest problem is my job.  My boss's think it is a good idea for me to be bending over for 8-9 hours a day.  I asked why and their answer was "well you don't have any restrictions do you?"  I have the distinct feeling they are trying to get rid of me.  I don't know how long I wll be able to take this abuse.  Why are they being total pains?  If they don't let up soon I'm going to have to quit.  What is the world coming to when someone that actually is doing their job gets mistreated so? 

Ok on to home life.  Not so good on that front either.  My family isn't understanding that I'm still in pain.  I don't know what to say to get them to understand.  Guess I'm done for now before I start crying again.

Cold Weather

Well we are in the middle of a cold spell here.  It hasn't been above 25 since Christmas and it is supposed to get colder.  I've really started to notice the stiffness and pain in my back.  Really wish I could get my medicine filled, but have to wait until I go to work tomorrow.  The pharmacy is on company property and it is too far to drive to fill my meds.  I'm thinking I should get a really good heating pad. 

Home Office Safety

Island Life is getting together with Underwriters Laboratories to promote safety in the home office and giving away a $200 gift card to Best Buy! Make sure you drop by the blog and follow the instructions to enter and you’ll be in the running to win too!


They have several great tips to keep your Home Office Safe.  Wouldn't hurt if you won $200 either.  Some of the childproofing tips all back injury survivors should also follow.  It wouldn't be good to have surgery and then trip over cords.

How I'm doing

Well recently I got an email asking how I'm doing since I hadn't updated my blog lately.  The answer is I don't really know.  I went back to work for 2 days and was in so much pain I wondered if the surgery has done any good.  On the other hand I have no pain down my leg anymore which is awesome.  I went through 6 weeks of physical therapy and did really well with it.  I'm not sure why work is so hard.  It could be the getting up and down from the floor, or maybe I'm just so totally out of shape it isn't going well. 

I did go to the doctor yesterday.  Another disappointment.  He looked at my X-rays and wasn't too positive this time.  He is no longer sure my bones will fuse.  It seems they are stalling out.  He said it was possible the bones would start growing and fuse without any problem.  He also said it was possible that they never fuse and I have to have another surgery to replace hardware when it breaks and add more bone material to try to force it to fuse.  Oh and he did say it looks like I am standing straighter now.

We are still not alone in the world.  I've just been depressed lately and didn't want to depress everyone else with my worries, but I am worried.  I don't think I will fuse, but I know I will eventually be ok.  I don't regret my choices.  I still feel better than I have in years and will always be grateful for what my doctor has given me.  I was at a point that I wouldn't even go to the grocery store.  Now I go and don't even think about how long I'll be able to shop.

Beds

I haven't touched on this subject yet but it is really important.  I probably wouldn't have thought to include it if I hadn't run across  MommyMandy's Sealy Giveaway.  She is giving away a Sealy Posturepedic Innerspring Signature 11 Series, you can check it out here:  SEALY.  She is giving away one in any size you need, check out the blog to enter.  Anyway a good bed is always helpful when you have back problems.  My personal bed is not really good for the back, but sometimes you have to make due.  If you can replace your matress's I really suggest you do so.  It is much cheaper than the $91,000 surgery I had.  If you can't go all out and replace your mattress you can try the bed toppers they sell in almost any dept. type store.    I know if you are not sleeping enough it will inhibit your ability to heal.  The muscles won't fully relax and your body will have to work harder to try to circulate blood to the injured area.