Avoidance

I admit I have avoided calling the doctor.  I'm really scared to tell him I'm in this much pain again.  How do you tell a gifted surgeon that you screwed up his work?  I'm afraid I've done something to the hardware on the right side.  I've been having spasms and pain down the butt and leg again.  I also don't want to admit to him that I started smoking again.  I worked so hard to quit and now I've ruined it all.  I guess I'm going to try to quit again.  I'm really confused and cranky all of the time.  I've also turned clumsy all of the sudden.  I lose my balance alot now.  I really have to work hard not to fall.  No matter where I am I always look around to see what to catch myself on.  Anyway that's where I'm at right now.  Back in pain, back to smoking, and depressed.