A Good Day

I had a really good day today.  I managed to get up early and take a shower.  I put make-up on and jewelry.  I went out to lunch with Paula, Tina, and Michelle.  It was just what I needed to lift my spirits.  We talked a lot about work.  Seems things are a changing.  My  employer is offering to send people to the Texas plant on a temporary basis.  They are back to hiring temporary workers.  I was sooooo glad to have a day out with friends, talking about anything but my back.  Maybe when I return to work they will have a job for me. 

My back isn't hurting so much right now.  More later

Sick and Tired

Ok, I realize I'm not keeping up with this blog.  Seems depression and pain keep you from doing even the simple things.  I'm doing fair I guess.  I can't sit up without something supporting my back.  Let me make a recommendation to everyone out there.  Rent the hospital bed and wheelchair.  I think a hospital bed would have been more comfortable than my bed.  The wheelchair seems overkill, until you have to do something like going to your son's choir concert.  I had to sit in bleachers for an hour and a half.  It was horrible, if I would have had a wheelchair they would have let me stay on the floor with in it.  You don't realize things like that will come up.  No matter what something like that will happen to you too. 

Anyway I'm currently sick.  I don't know why.  Could be a physical reaction to the pain, could be the flu, could be anything.  I'm going to recommend the flu shots to everyone having any type of surgery.  It is very painful when you vomit, cough, or sneeze.  If the vaccine becomes available anytime soon I'll be taking it.  Right now with the H1N1 and the regular flu the vaccine is in very short supply. 

I've moved back into my bedroom.  I moved out too soon.  I am still trying to come off prescription pain killers.  I make it off of them and then out of the blue the pain screams.

My Crankie CryFest!!!!!

Well I'm learning new things I can't do every day.  I'm still in more pain then I expected to be in at this point.  I can't wait until my doctor appointment in November.  I will be able to bend, lift and twist after that appointment.  I feel useless here a lot of the time.  I can't even go grocery shopping without help.  I can get everything in the cart but I can't take it out of the cart and I can't carry grocery bags.  My husband is at work every day and my oldest son is too busy with his friends to stop and help mom.  I have no real friends that will help me with anything.  I'm stuck.  Oh well what ya gonna do?

Today my hubby was actually home from work and we went out to lunch.  We were supposed to go to the grocery but he's too busy for that.  Guess he doesn't really want to eat.  The crankies aren't going away anytime soon in my house.  I feel so depressed and alone all of the time, and I want a cigarette.  I'm gonna get one too.  I'm tired and I'm gonna cry. 

Busy Busy Busy

I actually decided today that the bedroom is for sleeping.  That is a huge step in recovery from surgery.  I brought my computer out of the bedroom and cleaned everything that would keep me in the bedroom.  I need to start being a part of my family.  I am paying for it in pain right now, but it's going to be worth it.  My kids weren't expecting me to be sitting in the living room when they got home from school.

I also used my reacher thingy to pick up all of my dirty clothes in my bedroom.  I haven't gotten dressed really since surgery.  Mainly just sweats because of how comfy they are and easy to put on and take off.  My oldest son took my laundry downstairs and put it in the washer.

I also made dinner tonight.  Spaggetti, nothing too hard to cook.  It was all easily cooked and the kids feed themselves.  I'm, like I said, a little more painful than normal.  Soon I hope things don't revolve around my back.

Breakin the Rules

Ok so sometimes you just gotta break the rules.  Not the biggie's of no Bending, Lifting and Twisting but some little one's.  Today was that day.  I drove to my sister's house.  I'm not supposed to drive for 6 weeks, but again sometimes you gotta break the rules.  Hence the title of today's blog. 

Well I went over there and got the normal sad, sad stories of her life.  Yup even though I've been through surgery and my pay is cut in half (work pays medical leave benefits), her life is worse than mine.  I can't believe she thinks things are that bad for her.  Don't get me wrong she has a lot of problems.  She has a crap job and she is trying to raise 4 kids alone, but most of it is her own doing.  I love her but she doesn't help herself, she is an alcoholic and can't figure out where all of her money goes.

Anyway back to breaking the rules.  I'm in some pain from doing it, but I needed out of the house.  I suggest you break some of your doctors rules.  Nothing that will hamper your health or your healing, just little things.  Ok you know nothing dangerous, I hadn't taken any meds today before leaving the house because that could have been dangerous.  Drink a glass of wine once in a while.  Have a shower 2 days early.  Eat ice cream if you want it.  Just something minor.  It made me feel better to get out of the house on my own.

Blue Monday

Hello all.  Today I actually got up and filled the dishwasher.  I made a box dinner, nothing special, but at least I tried.  I'm feeling kinda cruddy now.  I didn't take any painkillers today so I'm paying for it now.  I took one a few minutes ago to try to get it back into control.  Anyway I'm feeling blue most days.  Seems I actually have no friends.  No one ever calls and asks how I'm doing.  It's very depressing to realize your 40 and no one cares if you live or die.  Oh well at least my family loves me and cares.  I think my husband has tomorrow off work.  Maybe we can go visit his parents or something.  I need some human contact.  I also have no followers here, but I'm going to keep writing because some day someone might come across this blog and it might help them to know they are not alone.

YOU ARE NOT ALONE.  There are many back pain victims that feel alone.  I got lucky my doctor did my surgery without too much arguement.  Don't get me wrong I've struggled with the pain for 10 years, the first doctor told me there was nothing he could do but have me do basicially nothing forever.  I wasn't going for that so I ignored my pain, popped ibuprophen like candy, and continued to damage my back.  Some people go to many doctors before they ever get tests and diagnosis.  If you have an orthopedic urgent care facility in your town go there.  They helped me more than any other doctors could have.  They immediately got me to x-ray.  Based on the x-ray I had an MRI 3 days later.  If you know anything about MRI scheduling 3 days is extremely fast unless your dying.  Anyway you aren't alone. This is my favorite forum:  http://www.spine-health.com/forum  everyone is very helpful.  Even there be careful because most people that remain on that forum after surgery are the one's that didn't get a lot better.  Once people are better they don't tend to post so much.  There is a lot of helpful advice.  There is even a list of things to prepare for surgery and surgical aftercare.  I personally haven't posted a lot on the forum because well I think I am getting better.  I don't need as much advice now.  Yes I'm still taking pain pills and yes I'm still in bed a lot, but those aren't from my original back pain, they are from the surgery.  My particular surgery required some bone removal and metal implants so it's going to take me a week or two more to be feeling really good. 

If your reading these posts and have any questions drop me a line.  Put it in the comments,  I'm not sure but my email should show up somewhere if you want a more personal answer.

Oh one more thing,  the doctor said extreme depression is common after this type of major surgery.  He said the longer I'm stuck in the bed the more depressed I'll get.  He also said to get to moving around but still be really careful-- no bending, lifting, or twisting.  Darn it and I like BLT's too LOL.

New Bionic Back

This is my new back kinda cool and scary all at the same time.  I'll explain later right now I'm tired from the doctor's appointment and stuff.

Monday:
Ok I'm editing now to explain the situation.  When my doctor got in he found a lot more problems than were apparent from the x-ray's and MRI.  So don't totally rely on those OK. So now the explaination.  There are 4 screws, 2 rods, a cross brace between the rods for extra stability, and finally an InFuse cage between my vertebrae.  He actually  put extra metal in that he hadn't planned on because of how unstable I was when he actually got in there.  He also found that the degenerative disc disease was a lot worse than they expected.  The disc had ruptured in the middle and I had bone on bone motion.  Another one of the reason's my symptoms varied every day.

Anyway he brought me from a 17mm slip down to a 5mm slip.  That is extremely difficult for a doctor to do.  Usually they don't try to control the slip, they just fuse it where it is.  I'm extremely impressed with the changes he made.  I know it's early but my original pain is better than it was.  I can walk upright.  Doctor says I'm taller now too.  That should be awesome from now on.  If you look on the front view of the x-ray's there appears to a halo around the metal.  That is actually bone graft, which he removed more bone in my back than he expected, no need to harvest from my hip or use donor bone.  He said I had excessive bone growth from years of overgrowth trying to catch up to the slip.  He wasn't sure he would be able to find a place for all of the bone be removed but he did.  He said as long as the bone starts to grow together it should be one of the strongest fusions he's ever done.  I'm excited it's going to do very well.  I'm positive I will get better. 

Pain sortof

I'm in a lot of pain today I think.  Actually I think my muscles are locked up.  It hurts pretty bad,  I think I would rather have muscle relaxers than pain killers.  The pain killers aren't working so well anymore, but I think if we could just loosen the muscles around the hardware I would feel better.  I'm hoping to get an X-ray or my back with my new hardware to show to everyone.  I think it's going to be interesting to see my new back.  Hopefully as my back gets better we can move on to some of my hobbies and I definately want to tell everyone about my family.  They are so spectactular.  They are more than I deserve,  I think they are more than anyone deserves.

I can't wait for my doctor's appointment this week.  I need to know if I'm not allowed to do some things for comfort or it they can actually cause damage.  Like I'm not allowed to drive for 6 weeks.  Is it for my comfort or would I be endangering the fusion of my back.  I also want to ask how long before we will know if it is fusing.  See I'm kind of scared that I will be in the up to 40% that doesn't fuse.  It is a scary thought what happens then?  Am I just without any hope at all.  If anyone reads this blog give me some hope please.

Wondering about my Chairs

Ok I wrote how none of my chairs are comfortable but I'm dying to know when they will be again.  The desk chair is nice and everything but I really would like to know when I can get back into my recliner.  I'm only really comfy when I'm in the recliner with a blankey and cup of hot chocolate.  It is much easier to write from there than anywhere else.  Well that's my thought for the day night everyone.