Tired Update

Ok I haven't updated in a little while but I'm just so tired. My pain isn't horrible but it can be debilitating. I'm not hitting the high levels I was. I haven't had a 9 in about 4 weeks so that is good anyway. I think I'm just truely mentally drug down. I need a break from the pain. Like I said it isn't high, just constant. I'm getting a burning in my right buttocks and down the leg some. I haven't told the doctor yet, I don't think it will change anything at this time. I'm going to stick with the plan of seeing him again in about 5 more months, unless the pain spikes high again.

All in all I still say the surgery was a success. I love my surgeon, he gives me hope. I am better than I was before surgery. I can actually go shopping sometimes.

Ok now to the part of my post of what I've been doing to take my mind off the pain. I joined Netflix, I'm just gonna try it out for a couple months and see if I like it. I watched Stop Loss last night. I cried, OMG, how sad is it to see our solders treated this way. How can we say we have no draft when we are selecting solders to go back after their contract is up. In all of the economy crude I believe we as a country have forgotten about the men and women we have over there. Everyone is worried about healthcare and these people are worried about coming home in one piece.

Well enough of my disjointed, unconnected, difficult to understand ramblings for now.

Easter is OVER

I don't really like Easter. I haven't for 21 years. My oldest son was born on Jan 22, 1989. He was 2 months early and spent 1 month in the hospital. He was a beautiful baby, and I can still remember his smell. (odd the things you remember) They let him come home from the hospital when he was 5lbs. It was great, he was healthy, and gaining weight like you wouldn't believe. It all came crashing down on March 25th. He was just 2 months old. He passed away from SIDS while I slept. I feel guilty to this day that I was asleep when he passed away. Anyway that year it was the day before Easter and for that reason I hate Easter. Enough of the history lesson.

I have always made holiday's good for my surviving children. Even when I feel like crude and I'm depressed, I've gotten really good at not letting them see me upset over it. Ok so this year we go to my in-laws house for Easter dinner. I find out that maybe I'm not as good at hiding it as I thought. I'm in a lot of pain today and doing my best to ignore it. Unfortunately my father-in-law saw it almost immediately. So then I'm subjected to the can't you change jobs, or haven't you been there long enough that they will put you in a less physical job. What do you tell someone that is just obviously trying to look out for you? I spent several hours just trying to deflect the conversation to something else. So now, I'm in pain, depressed, and so very tired from trying to pretend I'm fine.

At least my kids are happy and I'm still stubborn enough to keep working and providing them the future they deserve. I just hope one day they appreciate all I've given so they can have what they need.

Reading On the Kindle

I don't have an actual Kindle, I wish I did. I do have the program on my computer and have read several books on it. It distracts me for awhile. I enjoy romance novels a lot. Right now I'm getting ready to start Pride and Prejudice. I don't normally do long books but it looks interesting and on the Kindle it doesn't take a lot of space up. I just finished reading Kiss Me Deadly. Vampires, werewolves, witches and romance. It's an interesting mix, not to mention throwing the Devil in for good measure. Is there a better villian then the Devil in a romance? Michele Hauf is the author of the series. Creative fantasy type of book. Great to read, and hard to stop reading.

I've gotten all of my books from Amazon for the Kindle. I downloaded the computer program from Amazon also. They have a huge selection of any kind of book you like. I haven't went to the medical type books yet. I'm really trying not to investigate hardware problems and fusion failure yet. Trying to think positive. My body will adjust to the hardware if I just give it a little more time.

Mom Start Sleep Number Bed Giveaway

Today I entered a contest to try and win a sleep number bed.  I think it would be fabulous for anyone suffering back pain. I entered at Mom Start Sleep Number Bed Giveaway  She is giving away one Queen Sleep Number p5 mattress, Foundation and UPS delivery valued at $1,999.99.  Comes with the Wireless Remote; This is the perfect bed to relax because each side can be adjusted to the exact level of comfort, support and firmness you want at the touch of a button.  It's a great promotion.  I checked out the bed here:  http://www.selectcomfort.com/eng/products/sleep-number-beds/performance-series/p5/p5_bed?p5  looks extremely comfy to me.  Check out the rest of the Blog while your at Mom Start there are some great stories and awesome reviews on products most parents use every day.

6 Month Post-Op Exam

Well Thursday I had my 6 month check up. It seemed to go really well. My bones actually did start fusing. He was sure one side was solid, but the other side still looks grainy on the x-ray. We discussed my continued pain, he believes it is either the one side not fusing or I'm not adjusting well to the hardware. He suggested 2 options. The first was a thin slice ct to get a better look at the bones. The second was wait 6 months, then do the CT. I chose to wait the six months because he said he wouldn't revise the fusion until then if it was the bones not completely fused, and the longer I kept the hardware the better my chances are of a truly solid fusion. He did a quick rundown of a revison surgery with new bigger hardware and a quick rundown of hardware removal if the bones were healed. He gave a prescription for lortab because he didn't like the idea of me hitting high pain levels and not having any kind of relief. He even said to stretch them out as far as I could. I almost laughed because I've been without painkillers for almost 3 months. It's been very hard not to quit my job and sit and cry some days. The pain is different than before surgery. That is why he thinks it is the hardware. No sciatic pain unless I get to high pain levels for long periods so we think the inflamation is causing pressure on nerves. I'm so in love with my doctor it is sick. He actually lectured me on my habit of not calling when the pain is bad. How many doctors think that way? I believe he doesn't think his job is done unless you are almost completely out of pain.




If anyone has experience with hardware causing pain I could use some stories. I'm not surprised by his thought of the hardware. I honestly thought I had broken one of the screws on the right side. I'm kind of happy and sad at the same time. The surgery did work it accomplished what we set out to do, remove the instability and fix the sciatic pain. The pain in my back as I said is different but it sucks all the same. Guess I'm in the cycle of pain that it seems a lot of us get stuck in, but I have hope. I'm still much better than I was.

Insomnia

Seems I've developed some major insomnia.  My legs won't settle down to go to sleep.  It seems to be mostly my left hip and leg.  I get comfortable for a few minutes and I have an irresistable urge to move my left leg.  I try to fight this urge, but the more I fight the worse it gets.  I'm not sure what I'm going to do about it.  I suppose I'll ask the doctor.  It seems almost disconnected to the surgery, but I didn't have the problem until after the surgery.  The further out from the surgery I've gotten the worse it has gotten.  If anyone knows anything to help it let me know.  I could use any advice about it.

The Flu

Well it was bound to happen right?  I finally got the flu this year.  It has been going around work for several weeks and my group leader has had it for 2 weeks.  Unfortunately for the rest of us he spread it around.  I left work last night and called in sick tonight.